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Dear Gentle Reader:
Occasionally we come across lyrics that inspire disbelief, consternation, and even nausea. I invite you to submit lyrics that you feel are worse than the two samplings I have for your inspiration today.
Runner-Up: This song was so popular that I had the opportunity to hear it many times on the radio. I remember that first awakening when I started listening to the words instead of just the music and singing. I thought I would never find a more terrible example of rhyme over reason. Sheesh. These words make absolutely no logical sense, but you get the distinct impression that they are somehow supposed to. Disheartening. Very disheartening. Without further ado:
"You're Beautiful"
by James Blount
My life is brilliant
My life is brilliant, my love is pure
I saw an angel of that I'm sure
She smiled at me on the subway
She was with another man
But I won't lose no sleep on that
'Cause I've got a plan
You're beautiful, you're beautiful
You're beautiful, it's true
I saw your face in a crowded place
And I don't know what to do
'Cause I'll never be with you
Yes, she caught my eye
As we walked on by
She could see from my face that
I was flying high
And I don't think that I'll see her again
But we shared a moment that will last 'till the end
You're beautiful, you're beautiful
You're beautiful, it's true
I saw your face in a crowded place
And I don't know what to do
'Cause I'll never be with you
La la la la la la la la la
You're beautiful you're beautiful
You're beautiful, it's true
There must be an angel with a smile on her face
When she thought up that I should be with you
But it's time to face the truth
I will never be with you
My life is brilliant, my love is pure
I saw an angel of that I'm sure
She smiled at me on the subway
She was with another man
But I won't lose no sleep on that
'Cause I've got a plan
You're beautiful, you're beautiful
You're beautiful, it's true
I saw your face in a crowded place
And I don't know what to do
'Cause I'll never be with you
Yes, she caught my eye
As we walked on by
She could see from my face that
I was flying high
And I don't think that I'll see her again
But we shared a moment that will last 'till the end
You're beautiful, you're beautiful
You're beautiful, it's true
I saw your face in a crowded place
And I don't know what to do
'Cause I'll never be with you
La la la la la la la la la
You're beautiful you're beautiful
You're beautiful, it's true
There must be an angel with a smile on her face
When she thought up that I should be with you
But it's time to face the truth
I will never be with you
Please do not hurl on your keyboard--run quickly to the restroom. Quickly!
Winner: Well, imagine my utter surprise that "You're Beautiful" was edged out by a little emo ditty that I've heard on Pandora for a while without understanding the lyrics. It needs no further introduction.
"Like A Rose on the Grave of Love"
by Xandria
Come like the dusk
Like a rose on the grave of love
You are my lust
Like a rose on the grave of love
I curse the day I first saw you
Like a rose that is born to bloom
Don't look at me the way you do
Like the roses, they fear the gloom
Your thorns, they kissed my blood
Your beauty heals, your beauty kills
And who would know better than I do?
Pretend you love me!
Indeed, reality seems far
When a rose is in love with you
Slaves of our hearts, that's what we are
We loved and died where roses grew
They watched us silently
A rose is free, a rose is wild
And who would know better than I do?
Roses are not made for love
Like a rose on the grave of love
You are my lust
Like a rose on the grave of love
I curse the day I first saw you
Like a rose that is born to bloom
Don't look at me the way you do
Like the roses, they fear the gloom
Your thorns, they kissed my blood
Your beauty heals, your beauty kills
And who would know better than I do?
Pretend you love me!
Indeed, reality seems far
When a rose is in love with you
Slaves of our hearts, that's what we are
We loved and died where roses grew
They watched us silently
A rose is free, a rose is wild
And who would know better than I do?
Roses are not made for love
Stunning. Simply Stunning. I'm always on guard when I hear the word "rose" in a song--it makes me listen with a kind of lyrical trepidation. I was particularly moved by the completely nonsensical stanza set off by the "bloom" and "gloom" rhyme. Brilliantly, brilliantly bad. "Like the roses, they fear the gloom." Beat THAT! Ha!
My challenge to you:
Find something that puts these winners to shame. In fact,
I challenge you
To be true,
Else make me blue
Or want some stew.
I challenge you;
Just a few!
Old-- even new.
Maybe Motley Crue?
It's up to you.
It's up to you.
UPDATE:
Although I don't think the "Piranha" lyrics can exceed the horror of "Like a Rose on the Grave of Love," since one is meant to be taken seriously and the other surely not, they are very entertaining, especially in the context of speed metal drumming. Please enjoy the musical stylings of an unknown band singing a song about a piranha. Thanks to Eric for accidentally finding this little gem, and Kami for hooking us up. Indeed--who needs coffee in the morning when you could listen to this?
Disclaimer: I cannot find who wrote or performed this song, and am unaware of any copyright infringement. If someone can tell me who credit should be given to, I will gladly do so, and if the proven owners of this song wish, I will unhappily remove the link from this site.
