The Inquisitive Chicken Atrocious Song Lyric Challenge

Dear Gentle Reader:

Occasionally we come across lyrics that inspire disbelief, consternation, and even nausea. I invite you to submit lyrics that you feel are worse than the two samplings I have for your inspiration today.

Runner-Up: This song was so popular that I had the opportunity to hear it many times on the radio. I remember that first awakening when I started listening to the words instead of just the music and singing. I thought I would never find a more terrible example of rhyme over reason. Sheesh. These words make absolutely no logical sense, but you get the distinct impression that they are somehow supposed to. Disheartening. Very disheartening. Without further ado:

"You're Beautiful"

by James Blount

My life is brilliant 

My life is brilliant, my love is pure 
I saw an angel of that I'm sure 
She smiled at me on the subway 
She was with another man 
But I won't lose no sleep on that 
'Cause I've got a plan 

You're beautiful, you're beautiful 
You're beautiful, it's true 
I saw your face in a crowded place 
And I don't know what to do 
'Cause I'll never be with you 

Yes, she caught my eye 
As we walked on by 
She could see from my face that 
I was flying high 
And I don't think that I'll see her again 
But we shared a moment that will last 'till the end 

You're beautiful, you're beautiful 
You're beautiful, it's true 
I saw your face in a crowded place 
And I don't know what to do 
'Cause I'll never be with you 

La la la la la la la la la 

You're beautiful you're beautiful 
You're beautiful, it's true 
There must be an angel with a smile on her face 
When she thought up that I should be with you 
But it's time to face the truth 
I will never be with you 

Please do not hurl on your keyboard--run quickly to the restroom. Quickly!

Winner: Well, imagine my utter surprise that "You're Beautiful" was edged out by a little emo ditty that I've heard on Pandora for a while without understanding the lyrics. It needs no further introduction.

"Like A Rose on the Grave of Love"

by Xandria

Come like the dusk
Like a rose on the grave of love
You are my lust
Like a rose on the grave of love

I curse the day I first saw you
Like a rose that is born to bloom
Don't look at me the way you do
Like the roses, they fear the gloom

Your thorns, they kissed my blood

Your beauty heals, your beauty kills
And who would know better than I do?
Pretend you love me!

Indeed, reality seems far
When a rose is in love with you
Slaves of our hearts, that's what we are
We loved and died where roses grew

They watched us silently

A rose is free, a rose is wild
And who would know better than I do?
Roses are not made for love

Stunning. Simply Stunning. I'm always on guard when I hear the word "rose" in a song--it makes me listen with a kind of lyrical trepidation. I was particularly moved by the completely nonsensical stanza set off by the "bloom" and "gloom" rhyme. Brilliantly, brilliantly bad. "Like the roses, they fear the gloom." Beat THAT! Ha!

My challenge to you: 

Find something that puts these winners to shame. In fact,

I challenge you

To be true,

Else make me blue

Or want some stew.

I challenge you;

Just a few!

Old-- even new.

Maybe Motley Crue?

It's up to you. 

It's up to you.

UPDATE: 

Although I don't think the "Piranha" lyrics can exceed the horror of "Like a Rose on the Grave of Love," since one is meant to be taken seriously and the other surely not, they are very entertaining, especially in the context of speed metal drumming. Please enjoy the musical stylings of an unknown band singing a song about a piranha. Thanks to Eric for accidentally finding this little gem, and Kami for hooking us up. Indeed--who needs coffee in the morning when you could listen to this? 

Disclaimer: I cannot find who wrote or performed this song, and am unaware of any copyright infringement. If someone can tell me who credit should be given to, I will gladly do so, and if the proven owners of this song wish, I will unhappily remove the link from this site.

Regina Spektor: A Crazy, Amazing Kind of a Girl

I had an opportunity to go see Regina Spektor perform at the House of Blues in Dallas a couple of weeks ago. A friend and crazy girl of the best sort--Em--invited me, and even though I hadn't the slightest who this singer was, I'm absolutely game for live music experiences when they don't include Soak (yes, I realize this probably dates me somewhat and proves that I hold grudges decades later than I should). The night before the concert, I checked out her Myspace, of course, the Wikipedia, and created a Pandora station to see if I could get a preview of what I should expect. The myspace page offered 4 recent (and possibly most popular) songs for free listens-Fidelity, Us, Samson, and On the Radio. At least one of them sounded familiar, but I thought I could dig it, since I let the four songs loop for about an hour with increasing appreciation. The Pandora songs were primarily her earlier work, so there were some memorable lines about "Crispy, crispy Benjamin Franklin" babysitting her four children...it was interesting, to say the least. I enjoy the lyric with an off-the-wall feel (They Might Be Giants, Belle & Sebastian, Sufjan Stephens) that strays beyond the usual feel-good sensation of the year kind of songwriting (cue Ben Folds' "One Down").

But this concert--it was truly impressive even for someone who couldn't be called a fan--yet. Regina just had herself as singer, pianist, and rhythm (tapping her finger on the the mic or stamping a foot on the wood floor of the stage for emphasis) for most of the show--the guy who opened for her "accompanied" one otherwise a capella song with fantastic human drum machine skills. I hope someone recorded that and it will make it to YouTube if it hasn't already. She must have perfect pitch--never a sour note, except for the obviously intoxicated girls on the lower level who kept singing along--badly-- despite the laser beam eyes pointed in their general direction and requests for them to please shut it--Regina was so diplomatic, though, and ignored it, unlike the rest of us. There were times when I had to laugh out loud because of the lyrics of the songs [oh, so you want details now? Well, maybe I'll give you some, if you're really good, but maybe you should just listen for yourself, hmm? "On the Radio" is a good place to start. You can find the video, along with several others, here. ]

The videos are fine, but I rather like to see someone belting out their songs live--forehead getting all wrinkled with concentration, instead of doing the lip-synced versions in music videos which ask the singer to be as made-up and botoxed-looking as possible, even if the facial expressions while singing cannot be at all realistic. What's so unattractive about forehead wrinkles when such beautiful sounds are making their way to your ears? You think so too? I'm glad we're all on the same page here.

The Wikipedia has a good article on her history, musical background, and all that sort of thing, so I don't feel inclined to reinvent the wheel. Just giving one woman's reaction here. I will link to the NPR interview where Regina talks a good bit about her style and fiction songwriting philosophy. If you like her music, it's well-worth the 8 minutes or so of your time.

Back to the concert: I found it endearing that so many people there obviously thought the world of this singer. Ok, maybe not the kind which makes you throw underwear on the stage (thankfully), but people really loved her. And why not? She seems to deserve it much more than your average visible musician these days. She worked hard to give us her music in such a beautiful way, seems very humble about her circumstances of growing fame, and is honest about her music--it's fiction! It's very much about storytelling, not necessarily revealing the depths of her soul (what right do we have to demand the depths of anyone's soul just because we pay for their time?)

Maybe musicians aren't always as lovable as we want them to be. Maybe we also just read too much into music, lyrics, and the emotions that we want to believe the songwriter had. Well, maybe someone did feel deeply enough to write a song, but maybe for every one of those there are 50 more out there just looking to fill 3 minutes with the lowest common denominator of lyrical and musical arrangements. I certainly am no expert--I only speak as I find. But this singer/songwriter seemed different. One guy yelled out at a quiet moment "Regina, you changed my life!" which is hard to believe, but you never know. Maybe he was having a life crisis over his hair length and "Sampson" helped him see the light. How can I say?But I especially loved the guy in front of me-- late middle-aged and who I would have assumed was brought here against his will by his wife. But he was one of the biggest fans there! He was so into the concert--did the clapping, audience participation, and at a quiet moment yelled at the tone-deaf girls to "shut up down there!" with his own personal cheering section behind him. "Woooo! You tell 'em!" Wild stuff and excellent times. It's refreshing to experience such a cross section of ages at a concert--not just your average teen girl kind of fan, but a very nice kettle of fish indeed.

Check out Regina Spektor, and see her live if possible! She's a breath of fresh air.