What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Appreciate TJMaxx

Ok, so after running out of thread with 3 curtains left to sew, it is a good time to reflect and include some pictures which will probably highlight the good points of the finished product while artfully concealing with houseplants the many flaws. What uneven hemming? All I see is--Wow! what a beautiful fern! (This really is an obvious case of an imagination gone wild. I had a fern once. It looked good for approximately two days before going into a full molt and then losing its will to live entirely. Ferns in florist shops are hopped up on anti-depressants and steroids until they are about to climb out of their baskets to hit the treadmill, with pumped up leaves and Goldie Hawn-like posture. When they get to your house, they quickly become despondent and their leaves wait for the merest of nibbles from the resident felines to literally explode off their stems. Moral of the story? Ferns: Just Say No).

Where were we? Oh, yes, the cover-up for the seamy window-coverings. Anyone observed peering too closely at seams shall be immediately given an obscene amount of wine, from which perspective all my sewing appears to be a perfect study of Impressionism. "Thaa Juhdon, she'z such an inssspired artisst--I mean, look at thaa. If you squint chur eyez, iss almoss like there'z like, really nice curtainz on thoze windowz. Iss incredible."

Having returned to Hobby Lobby for thread and after much ironing and further discoveries of sewing inconsistencies (one of which just occurred to me this very moment), they are finally finished!

Without further ado, THE CURTAINS FROM HADES:

Stop looking at that seam immediately. Would you like some Merlot?

Note strategic use of houseplant: